Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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