Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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