her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
