non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
