I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
