I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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