Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
