awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
