Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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