first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
