he puts the penis in happiness.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's rum buckets o'clock
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
