i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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