I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
