I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
