saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
