Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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