I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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