i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
