i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
