she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
