I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
