Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
