So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
