If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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