It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
