STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Your penis caused this!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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