You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
