I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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