he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
