I puked a lego.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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