I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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