the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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