I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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