I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
