I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
