My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
