Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
