I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
