My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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