God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
