lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
