The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
