Where are you?
In a non slutty way
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
