dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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