I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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