Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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