I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I need to calm my uterus...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
