Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
