first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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