The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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